“State your name, please.”
“My name is Laura …”
“… and I’m here to say that I am a control freak.”
I’ve been battling the Natural Urge To Strategically Organize (a.k.a. NUTSO) for years now; however, it wasn’t until recently that I realized it might be an issue. Not only do I attempt to micromanage every aspect of my life, but I voice my opinions to tell those closest to me what to do as well.
Acquaintances would categorize me as happy, quiet and the type of girl who has her life together … boy, have I got them fooled! The reality is that I’m a schedule making, stress-coated cookie of craziness that leaves behind the aftertaste of anxiety and slight nausea.
From orchestrating class projects to desperately sending resumes to potential employers, I have become a master of attempting to manipulate destiny.
I’ve gotten to the point to where I need these goals and restrictions to survive (if you don’t believe me, read what my life has been like without such organization). The trouble is the harder I fight to control, the less power I have to do so.
That is why I needed help.
control freak (n)
- a person with an obsessive need to be in control of what is happening.
- said freak can carve out another person’s eye balls with a spoon should the individual disagree and/or fail to obey. spoon can be, but not limited to, plastic, stainless steel or silver (for the classy crazies)
You might be thinking, “With a definition that bleak, this lunatic should just crawl in a hole and die!” However, being NUTSO isn’t fatal.
There are plenty of self-help guides out there that say “learn to relax” and “leave your worries at the door”, but that’s just masking the underlying problem. I know that I have to relax, and I am perfectly aware that worrying isn’t going to make things better, but I do it anyway.
The reason I’m NUTSO is because I’m afraid. I feel that if I don’t push, pull and prod, I’ll never achieve my goals. Therefore, things need to happen right now … today … this very moment, and if they don’t I will somehow miss out.
There’s a fine line between being an overachiever and clinically insane, and sometimes I’m just teetering on it.
I needed to realize that I’m not in control. Then, and only then, would I be able to live a happy and productive life. To loosely paraphrase My Fair Lady, the world will continue to spin, generations after I quit trying to twirl it.
So close your eyes and take a deep breath. Heck, take a nap while you’re at it! To be cured you need to first understand why you behave the way you do. Then, you must come to terms with the fact that you are NOT that important.
No matter how much you try, you can’t pull in the tides of the ocean, force gravity to cease or leap over buildings like Superman. I’ve learned that the best things happen when I least expect it, so why do I fight so hard to micromanage my life when I clearly don’t know what’s best?
Suffering from NUTSO doesn’t bear the negative stigma it once had, as there is a way out. I might always be a freak, but I don’t have to be a controlling one anymore.