Where have I been these last few months, you may ask yourself.
Well, my dear readers, the answer is simple … I’ve been living the dream!
Although the diplomas have been passed out, life is still very busy for me. I spend my mornings (or afternoons, rather) sipping my quart of coffee while sifting through my emails. Fortunately, I’ve dodged many a bullet with the “thank you for your interest with *insert company name here* but we have decided to pursue other candidates with more experience” line, so my serene vacation has yet to be interrupted.
After my welcome rejections, I begin the application process all over again. Writing a handful of cover letters a day is thrilling, as I have the opportunity to hone my self-promotional skills while simultaneously acknowledging my inadequacies.
By the time the resumes are emailed out, Pinterest is vying for my attention. After an hour or so of organizing my “boards” I need to relax with the help of Sims. However, watching the little pixilated humans achieve their goals tires me, and I must then nap off my exhaustion.
Once I awake from my slumber, I settle down with Ellery Queen, Holmes or even dear Miss Marple for a good old-fashioned murder. Then, to rest my weary eyes, I indulge in the sophisticated masterwork that is Bridezillas, Hoarders or Johnny Bravo reruns, while polishing off a box of Girl Scout Thin Mints.
I chuckle to myself, when I think of those poor souls who spend their lives toiling away for some “purpose” or “cause”. You might be thinking, “Surely life is dull and empty without goals to work toward!” Ha ha! That is rich, but not nearly as rich as my nightly glass of Chocolate Malt Ovaltine.
No, I too once sought success and triumph, but my pride has finally been buried out back under the oak tree. Now my day consists of pleasant leisure, where I slowly loose grip on reality and delve deeper into self-loathing.
Perhaps I do need a job ‒ a goal ‒ a hobby even, to rekindle the spark of passion that lit up my heart only a few short months ago. Perhaps wasting away like Miss Havisham, with her yellowed gown and decaying wedding cake, isn’t for me. Perhaps, oh perhaps, it isn’t too late after all!!!
However, it is so hard to progress. As Newton famously stated, “an object at rest tends to stay at rest, unless the object is acted upon by an outside force”. The outside force in my case would be a job, but jobs don’t just come knocking at your door (and considering my current appearance, I wouldn’t let it in even if it did!).
Therefore, the time has come for an internal transformation, but on the other hand, do you really need drives and ambitions when you have the tender caress of your leopard print Snuggie? The verdict is still out on that.